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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Super like the post: motherhood

I'm here to deliver some bad news to all mummies or new mummies.
1. Guess what? Your old lifestyle is OVER. If u don't have enough time to sleep, that's normal. If u don't have time to eat a 3 course meal.. that's normal. If you have to hold yr pee n yr poo for more than an hour until u feel yr bladder is gonna explode... again.. normal!

2. If your baby seems to want no one but you... normal. You know why? Cos you are the mother? Grandmother, nanny, daddy cannot replace. Even u spray them with your breastmilk so that they smell like you.. bad news.. you are irreplaceable.

3. If your baby falls sick every once in a while despite being a fully bf baby.. normal! Your milk is wonderful but its no miracle water that can prevent all sickness. As much as we encourage natural remedies.. do get doctor's diagnose 1st and do not PURPOSELY expose them to sickneas tp build immunity.

4. If your baby only cries, poo n wanna nurse in the 1st few mths of his/her life.. NORMAL! Don't even attempt to feed cereal at 4 months old or start solid before they are ready. Imagine yourself being tied to a chair n someone is force feeding you n u have no choice but to swallow... yes that's what you are doing to your baby. 6 mths n below... milk ONLY.

5. I cannot cannot cannot stand those asking on how to sleep train. Lagi cannot cannot cannot stand those who teach others to sleep train. Your 3 months old wakes up every 2 hours to nurse of just to whine... NORMAL!! Don't even attempt to let your baby cry it out n throw away your Gina Ford book please. Imagine yourself unable to move and have poop stuck to your bum or you are feeling so hungry. Can u ignore it and sleep for 10 hours???

6. One more: no one like to 'drink' food from the bottle. If u intend to start cereal for LO when they are 6 months young, please let him / her to sit up and enjoy food from the proper plate / bowl with suitable spoon. That's the purpose of kitchen cutlery for.

7. If you give birth only to expect you will still be able to look good, strut in your 3 inches with your 3 inches thick make up all the time n get your daily 10 hours uninterrupted beauty sleep and leave your maid to comfort your baby.. feeding fm cos its easier.. and some even resort to let baby sleep with maid or grandmother... I've got news for u too.. better if u just get a pet. Harsh I know.. but someone has gotta tell u.

8. I got 1 to add: If your child is bigger or smaller in size compare to other kids similar age, don't compare as it's Normal to be different in size!

9. If other mummies share their success stories by posting fridge load of ebm.. or tell you how much they have sacrificed to breastfeed their babies... please lah drop the attitude and don't make an a$$ out of yourself by thinking others are out to make u feel like a bad mother cos you are doing less. That's the guilt in you talking. You should instead congratulate the mummy and learn from her so that you can repeat her success. Seriously... drop the attitude. This is TBAN and we are all gungho and proud of being a breastfeeding mummy... n nobody judges you but yourself when it comes to being a 100% bf mummy or a 50% bf mummy or an EP mummy or any sort of mummy.

"Mothers are human beings we don't become superheroes overnight"

Babies are human beings too.. incapable ones somemore. So don't except yr babies to be superbabies by tripling birth weight in 1 month, not fussy, sleep 10 hours straight, keep quiet when mummy is waxing her leg or applying nippon weathershield on the face, play by herself at 2 mths old, etc. Just like us all imperfect mummies who are still learning after being human for 30 years.. imagine those vulnerable newborns who are also just learning to recognise feelings and faces... n the most familiar and comforting one is trying to get away from baby.

Again, the word 'judge' always comes when there was no judging done. Ive read the post and all the comment- the likes n dislike comment, nobody said anything to jugde. FYI, many PC and people who are passionate abt bf are those who have fed bm alternatives who was sucked into boobytrap, so in my opinion this post shudnt be taken as judging, shud be taken as to warn new mommies of the boobytraps...said without the sugarcoating, as it is...motherhood isnt easy and knowing the 'normals' really ease off some pressure too and also the fact that normal for some (15 oz per pump) may not be normal for all, so we accept the differences....we encourage breastfeeding and also the advice the necessary changes in lifestyle to ensure good bf journey - knowing the above, mommies can adjust their lifestyle to their bf goals be it 3,6,9,12 or 24 months. Furthermore, these lifestyle changes are also changing according to our childrens age, the post doesnt say you are bad mom if you dont hold your pee - it just says its normal IF you r in that situation as many may experience the same. The post doesnt tell you to neglect yourself n your health - just that you have to adjust your life to your baby. For me, the way I think abt it from religion point of view - my children are borrowed to me from god, i have been given a huge responsibility to make a blank canvas into beautiful painting and its a big job for mommies to decide wat to put on this blank canvas, we sacrifice and adjust our lives around our children. Thats why in islam, heaven is at the feet of your mothers - because we go the extra mile. This post is not to judge, its to educate. Happy breastfeeding (and pumping).

Whether you are breastfeeding or formula feeding, your baby needs your care. Your baby needs your hug. Your baby needs your touch. Your baby have certain needs that ONLY a MOTHER (and not even the Father) can fulfil.

Sigh.. I suppose we want our children to have what's best.. of course... but in that pursuit of "what's best" could we at least try to understand why more and more parents are turning to Responsive parenting/Attachment parenting? when we say "spoiling" our babies do we really spoil them.. c'mon you gotta give us some credit here for not being idiots-I mean who would want bratty kids?? NOT wanting bratty kids are exactly why we "spoil" them i.e responding promptly to their cries and needs, because we want them to grow up to be kind and empathetic and know how to care for others.. how would they learn this if their needs are usually ignored? You cant just wait till they grow up and try to lecture it into them/ cajoule them.. they need to first FEEL the kindness and love from us before they KNOW how to be kind and loving.. unless of course.. that's not what you want for your kids.. then it that's the case.. oh help us god we will have really well-trained people who doesn't care.. as if our current society has too much kindness ayways...

We shouldn't be upset or resentful that our lives may take a backseat when we have babies. Babies are human beings with feelings and thoughts just like us. Nothing wrong with giving priority to them for a few years, that doesn't mean we become hermitsor are spoiling them. It just means they realize we place them as top priority and nurture them and love them unconditionally. It will be really ironic when we are old, tired, not so sharp minded anymore and need their company and understanding, love and hugs and help, and they say proudly, I don't run after my parents. They must run after me. I have my life to live, my own priorities. 
Babies can never be spoiled. They are not born cunning with intentions to make your life a living hell. They are innocents. And they copy what you say, and what you do. For no matter how you love them or neglect them, you are still their role models and heros for the first 10 years of their lives, at least.

When they are 2, there is plenty of time to teach them not to become spoiled, to reason with them and to teach them things for by then their minds are like sponges. By 4 they are already in kindies and play schools, practising in real life what you have taught them in the past 2 years of their lives. They go out and mix with others secure in the knowledge that their parents will always be there for them and they have unconditional trust and priority from their parents. They become confident, strong and loving kids. And for me I will not have suffered those few years, because that is an experience a lot of people yearn for and cannot get; and it is part of my life's experiences and part of being a parent and it gives me great joy to be there for my kids, especially babies.

Imagine this...we are....let's say in our 20s or 30s...how do you expect a child who have just live in this world, let say for 4-5 years...to understand what we have practiced and experienced for 20-30 years? even holding pencils ,writing ABCs in 5-10 minutes are already very tiring for a 4 year old...don't expect too much from ur kids..they' re just...kids!let them play..let them explore...never leave them without u monitoring..they are just 4 or 5..how can they decide what is good or what is bad? that's when mommy is needed!

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